‘Love against the odds’ – Jo Henderson
As February 14th approaches, the shops are blessed once again with an opportunity to sell us things we don’t really need, namely more chocolate, soft toys and themed mugs!
It is difficult to walk down the high street at this time of year and not think of relationships, of romance and of love.
Those of us spending time in our local prisons know that this is another occasion when what is missing is highlighted. Whether grief is caused by being separated from a loved one, or the stress of separation has contributed to the end of a relationship, one thing is clear: in prison, love can be a cause of great pain.
The bereavement caused by a fractured relationship is a complicated and protracted kind of pain. If a ‘straightforward bereavement’ was like a broken arm (very painful), a bereavement caused by a fractured relationship might be more like your arm breaking slowly, then having it partially heal before breaking again, then living in fear of that pain even though healing may have begun.
Separation due to imprisonment is an extraordinarily difficult season to navigate.
In the 15 years I have been involved in ministry, my husband and I have supported many couples through difficult times (and been blessed to be supported by a few ourselves) and what we often counsel is connection: verbal, physical, emotional connection. Presence, not absence.
So it’s very difficult to watch couples, often young couples with children, navigating such a challenging time without the most basic and vital tools at their disposal.
Relationships are also often where you hear of some of the saddest forms of harm – of infidelity or violence in a place where love, trust and safety should be paramount.
Many of us who have read prayer requests or sat in Sycamore Tree or Living with Loss groups know the impact of those who have experienced these forms of harm, with their parents, a partner, or through their own behaviour.
So, how can we celebrate love and connection in a place where healthy relationships are harmed and unhealthy, harmful relationships and their impact are prevalent? It will take more than a teddy with a heart on it and a box of chocolates.
In 1 Corinthians 13, we read:
‘Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.’
What I love about this passage is that love has a character – it has a personality. This is because God is love.
This passage isn’t just telling us how to love. It’s telling us to be filled by the one who is love. And, when we carry His Holy Spirit with us into our relationships – romantic or platonic – we carry His character and His personality, too. His is a love that endures all things.
This month, let’s pray for relationships to be strengthened under impossible circumstances. Let’s pray for healing love that mends what is broken. Let’s pray for love to be sincere and steadfast. And let’s pray that Love Himself would be revealed through our presence in prisons, that His character would be shown and that He would become known throughout the prison estate.
Jo Henderson is Prison Fellowship’s Trusts and Grants Officer.
Download the February Prayer Diary, with a prompt each day for how we can pray for our prisons and our ministries.
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