A review of Face to Face by Nick Dawson – Tim Spargo-Mabbs
To say I enjoyed this book would be slightly untrue. On one level, it is an easy read – its style is colloquial and straightforward. On another, its subject matter – the murder of a twin and its effect on his family, their friends and colleagues – is anything but easy. The effect on me was frequently intense and always thought-provoking.
Nick describes in detail the ups and downs of an ordinary family life in the Northwest of England. He chronicles the secret life of twins amid wider family dynamics and details how his twin brother Simon and he sought to identify themselves as separate from each other; what each of them did after leaving school – and life together – in their similar but different ways.
Writ large on every page from the prologue is the heart-wrenching knowledge that Simon was attacked when he left a pub and asked a pair of strangers the way to his friend’s house. They beat him up, robbed his wallet and watch and, having forced him to reveal his PIN, threw him into a lake to drown in case he was able to identify them. The next day they went out and spent his money.
I have lost a teenager to the party drug MDMA, so to a certain extent we share a journey. Different, yes, but similar enough for me often to understand the places of pain and processing that Nick documents so eloquently. The latter third of the book chronicles Nick’s journey towards acceptance. My own journey both shares and diverges from his.
Nick participated in the parole hearings as the two youths (as they had been then) went for release. I did not. He prepared Victim Impact Statements several times. The only time we were able to give one was at the sentencing of the youth who pleaded guilty just before the trial.
For Nick, anger was paramount for many years. For me, anger was fleeting, sorrow preeminent for a similar length of time. For both of us, the question ‘is moving on being disloyal to the victim?’ has been a big one.
We both grew into empathy for the already broken states of our perpetrators, albeit at different speeds. For Nick forgiveness seems unimportant as does hearing an apology. For me, ‘sorry’ is not important, but forgiving the perpetrator has been vital. Nick’s journey as an agnostic is in his own words about making peace with what has happened. Mine as a Christian has been about healing and restoring the offender, his family (and ultimately anyone who will partner with me to admit our brokenness) and seek a better way. My journey is grounded in the realisation that the death caused such indescribable pain to us that I must stop it happening to anyone else. Evil has had its day. Now let’s see what Good can achieve.
Nick was able to participate in a Restorative Justice conference with one of the offenders. He met one of the two perpetrators to move things forward. For me that day is yet to come.
We have both been drawn to Prison Fellowship’s Sycamore Tree course which uses victims’ stories as part of its awareness raising course amongst offenders. Both of us find telling our story – and hearing how perpetrators are changed by what they hear – deeply rewarding. And we were both introduced to the course by the same couple, Ray and Vi Donovan, who themselves lost a son in a senseless killing.
Nick’s emotional honesty is breathtaking. Frequently I found myself pulling out of a paragraph and thinking, ‘Wow, it’s OK to feel that, then!’ Frequently he recounts struggles with his own mental health. And for that searing, at times tortured, honesty I owe him a great debt.
No two stories are identical. Read this book if you have been a victim of crime. You will find a soul mate. Read it if you haven’t. You won’t find a better spokesperson for the journeys survivors have to travel. Read it if you are in the criminal justice system.
You may start the journey back to hope.
Face to Face is published by Icon Books and is available now
